Rindu Anak, Marshanda Tulis Puisi Sedih

KOMPAS.com - Artis peran Marshanda menulis sebuah puisi sedih pada akun Instagram-nya, @marshanda99, Minggu (15/4/2018).

Puisi tersebut menjadi keterangan foto Marshanda dengan putrinya, Sienna Ameerah Kasyafani.

Dalam puisi tersebut, perempuan yang akrab disapa Caca itu mengungkap kesedihan dan rasa bersalah karena kehilangan putrinya.

"What can I do/ I am guilty/ of losing you... What can I do/ I am guilty/ Not blaming my illness but that is my weakness...." tulis Marshanda.

"I got lost/ And nobody wins when they tried to save me from falling/ I had to fall. Says God/ And until today I cant see why I had to/ Cause it got me losing you," tulis dia lagi.

Marshanda, yang tenar saat memerankan karakter Lala dalam sinetron Bidadari itu merasa bersalah dan malu. Banyak orang berpendapat bahwa ia tidak bisa mengatasi kewarasannya akan pemnyakit mentalnya.

Di saat tak tahu apa yang harus diperbuat, pikiran Marshanda hanya tentang Sienna. Ia merasa kehilangan Sienna.

"And I miss you, everyday/ And I cry for you, everyday/ I am lost/ And in this case I am lost forever," tulis dia.

Dalam kata-kata selanjutnya, Marshanda yang sangat merindukan kebersamaan dengan putrinya, membandingkan dengan ibu-ibu lain yang bisa leluasa bersama anak-anak mereka.

Ia merasa semakin tidak bisa melihat jatidirinya sendiri. Ia juga tidak bisa lagi melihat dirinya sebagai seseorang yang berkemampuan, khususnya menjadi seorang ibu.

"I am left with questions and tears/ I saw people around me/ Being allowed to be with their children/ Pushing me far away from the right self-concept I am supposed to have about myself/ Pushing me far away from seeing myself as a capable human being/ Capable of being a mother," tulisnya.

Dalam puisi itu, Marshanda merasa tidak punya harapan karena kehilangan putri tercinta. Ia merasa tidak bisa memahami yang kehidupannya.

Baca juga : Kisah Artis Marshanda Menaklukkan Bipolar dan Akhirnya Sukses

"God help me/ I am lost/ I am ashamed/ What are You trying to tell me?/ I am lost/ And everybody talks behind my back/ About how it is normal for me to lose/ How it makes sense," kata perempuan 28 tahun itu.

Bagian akhir puisi itu menyiratkan Marshanda yang pasrah pada kondisinya.

"So I just try to bear with the thought of living with my worst self/ The incapable human. The inadequate parent. The one nobody can trust/ And carry on/ And carry on/ And carry on," tulis dia.

Sebagai informasi, selepas Marshanda bercerai dari Ben Kasyafani pada 2011 lalu. Hak asuh anak jatuh ke pangkuan Ben sampai saat ini.

 

-Part 1 of 1- . What can I do I am guilty Of losing you. . What can i do I am guilty Not blaming my illness but that is my weakness. . I got lost. And nobody wins when they tried to save me from falling. I had to fall. Says God. . And until today I cant see why I had to. Cause it got me losing you. . I am guilty and I am ashamed. People talk about me behind my back. Saying I can’t bear sanity. I can’t bear life. Because I am ill. . And now what should I do. When all I can think about is the thought of losing you. My daughter. . And I miss you, everyday. And I cry for you, everyday. I am lost. And in this case I am lost forever. . I can only hope and pray for miracle. I dont even believe that I still deserve the feeling of hope. I’ve made too big of a mistake. . I am left with questions and tears. I saw people around me. Being allowed to be with their children. Pushing me far away from the right self-concept I am supposed to have about myself. Pushing me far away from seeing myself as a capable human being. Capable of being a mother. . I have lost. I’ve lost you and I lost everything. And I‘ve forgotten how to have hope. Tried to understand this chapter of life. And I can’t understand a thing. The inner wisdom I usually find in me, is in silence. . God help me. I am lost. I am ashamed. What are You trying to tell me? I am lost. And everybody talks behind my back. About how it is normal for me to lose. How it makes sense. . So I just try to bear with the thought of living with my worst self. The incapable human. The inadequate parent. The one nobody can trust. And carry on. And carry on. And carry on. . . #motivation #honesty #vulnerabilityispower #vulnerabilityisstrength #positivity #empowerment #marshedpoem #marshedQuote #enlightenement #motivationandpositivity #innerstrength #innerpeace #intellectualhearts

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