Curahan Hati Marshanda soal Rindu Mendalam pada Putrinya

JAKARTA, KOMPAS.com-KOMPAS.com - Artis peran Marshanda menulis sebuah puisi sedih berbahasa inggris pada akun Instagram-nya, @marshanda99, Minggu (15/4/2018). Puisi itu merupakan ungkapan kerinduannya pada putri semata wayangnya Sienna Ameerah Kasyafani.

Sebagai ibu, Marshanda merasa sedih dan bersalah karena tidak bisa selalu bersama dengan Sieena.

"What can I do/ I am guilty/ of losing you... What can I do/ I am guilty/ Not blaming my illness but that is my weakness...." tulis Marshanda.

"I got lost/ And nobody wins when they tried to save me from falling/ I had to fall. Says God/ And until today I cant see why I had to/ Cause it got me losing you," tulis dia lagi.

 

-Part 1 of 1- . What can I do I am guilty Of losing you. . What can i do I am guilty Not blaming my illness but that is my weakness. . I got lost. And nobody wins when they tried to save me from falling. I had to fall. Says God. . And until today I cant see why I had to. Cause it got me losing you. . I am guilty and I am ashamed. People talk about me behind my back. Saying I can’t bear sanity. I can’t bear life. Because I am ill. . And now what should I do. When all I can think about is the thought of losing you. My daughter. . And I miss you, everyday. And I cry for you, everyday. I am lost. And in this case I am lost forever. . I can only hope and pray for miracle. I dont even believe that I still deserve the feeling of hope. I’ve made too big of a mistake. . I am left with questions and tears. I saw people around me. Being allowed to be with their children. Pushing me far away from the right self-concept I am supposed to have about myself. Pushing me far away from seeing myself as a capable human being. Capable of being a mother. . I have lost. I’ve lost you and I lost everything. And I‘ve forgotten how to have hope. Tried to understand this chapter of life. And I can’t understand a thing. The inner wisdom I usually find in me, is in silence. . God help me. I am lost. I am ashamed. What are You trying to tell me? I am lost. And everybody talks behind my back. About how it is normal for me to lose. How it makes sense. . So I just try to bear with the thought of living with my worst self. The incapable human. The inadequate parent. The one nobody can trust. And carry on. And carry on. And carry on. . . #motivation #honesty #vulnerabilityispower #vulnerabilityisstrength #positivity #empowerment #marshedpoem #marshedQuote #enlightenement #motivationandpositivity #innerstrength #innerpeace #intellectualhearts

A post shared by ???????? MARSHANDA (@marshanda99) on Apr 15, 2018 at 8:15am PDT

[Baca juga : Rindu Anak, Marshanda Tulis Puisi Sedih ]

Marshanda, yang tenar saat memerankan karakter Lala dalam sinetron Bidadari itu merasa bersalah dan malu. Banyak orang berpendapat bahwa ia tidak bisa mengatasi penyakit mental yang dideritanya.

"And I miss you, everyday/ And I cry for you, everyday/ I am lost/ And in this case I am lost forever," tulis dia.

Melalui puisinya, Marshanda juga mengungkapkan kesedihannya melihat ibu-ibu lain yang bisa bersama anak-anak mereka. 

"I am left with questions and tears/ I saw people around me/ Being allowed to be with their children/ Pushing me far away from the right self-concept I am supposed to have about myself/ Pushing me far away from seeing myself as a capable human being/ Capable of being a mother," tulisnya.

Dalam puisi itu, Marshanda merasa tidak punya harapan karena kehilangan putri tercinta. Ia merasa tidak bisa memahami kehidupannya.

"God help me/ I am lost/ I am ashamed/ What are You trying to tell me?/ I am lost/ And everybody talks behind my back/ About how it is normal for me to lose/ How it makes sense," kata perempuan 28 tahun itu.

[Baca juga : Di Balik Curhat Marshanda tentang Kangen Anak dan Sakit Mental ]

Namun bagian akhir puisi itu, justru menyiratkan bahwa Marshanda berusaha berdamai dengan kondisinya. Pasalnya, perempuan yang akrab disapa Caca itu diketahui memiliki gangguan bipolar.

"So I just try to bear with the thought of living with my worst self/ The incapable human. The inadequate parent. The one nobody can trust/ And carry on/ And carry on/ And carry on," tulis dia.

Sebagai informasi, setelah bercerai tiga tahun lalu dengan Ben Kasyafani, hak asuh Sienna jatuh kepada Ben, yang kini sudah menikah lagi dengan Nesya Nabila.

[Baca juga : Untuk Urusan Anak, Marshanda Masih Diskusi dengan Ben Kasyafani ]

Kata-kata menenangkan dari Ben Kasyafani

Melihat surat cinta Marshanda kepada anak mereka, sang mantan suami Ben Kasyafani pun menanggapi curahan hati Marshanda, di Instagram.